we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
