Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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