do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
