There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
