So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
how drunk are you?
Several
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
