That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize