so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
