grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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