Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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