dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Welp...herpes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
