I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
