Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
