Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
