I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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