Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
