hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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