tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
