It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
