Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
