I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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