Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
