My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
