I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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