Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
