Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
