Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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