I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
