we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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