honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
