Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
