i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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