They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Text me some of your sweat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
