Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
