she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize