I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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