i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
