She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
