I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize