I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
