I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
