Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
