and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
