just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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