I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
