Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
