im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
