You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
