Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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