she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
