Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
as a side note pls kill me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
