So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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