i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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