I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
