she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
