She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
