All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize