Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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