Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
