did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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