I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
