woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
