and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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