thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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