why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
